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The golden rule of body language
Never judge on one factor alone. Sitting with your arms crossed will often mean you are trying to protect yourself emotionally and shut the other person out. Or it could mean that you are cold, feeling fat or have just spilled coffee on your blouse.
Therefore, do not jump to conclusions, but instead look for several signs that point in the same direction. If someone has their arms folded across their chest, their brows furrowed, and they're leaning back to put as much distance as possible between themselves and you, while pursing their mouths in disapproval, it's a fair guess that you've done something to annoy them.
Most experts in body language therefore follow the Rule of Four, which means that you must look for at least four signs in body language that mean the same thing before you believe the signal.
Given that we have between ninety seconds and four minutes to decide whether we are interested in someone, it is pretty obvious that a single witty remark is not that which decides the case.
Can you read body language in a bar full of people, noise and unrest?
Man, believe it or not, this is really where body language has its advantages: it doesn't matter if there's a lot of noise, because you don't need to be able to hear anything, you just need to be able to see.
If there are a lot of people, stand where you have the best view of her. Even if you can't see the bottom of her, you can keep an eye on her from the waist up. In a really crowded bar, stick to the obvious: Eye contact.
Is her body open to strangers (so she sits relaxed with her arms not folded in front of her body)? Or is she closed in on herself and has her arms folded tightly across her chest and sits with a stiff back? Does she smile and look friendly, or does she sit with furrowed brows and a you-can-just-dare-to-talk-to-me expression?
The more she adjusts her clothes and hair, the more likely it is that she is trying to attract attention with her body.
Okay, I think she's interested in meeting someone, and I think she's interested in me. What now? Should I go over to her?
Keep some distance in the beginning and instead make lots of eye contact. Wait until both of you are constantly looking at each other, smiling and catching each other's eyes. It's very unlikely that you'll be rejected at this stage (and isn't that what it's all about? That you don't want to be laughed at?).
Then go over to her and say:
“Hey, it's obvious that I can't stop looking at you, so I thought I'd come over here so I can talk to you too. Would you like a drink/dancing/a cigarette?
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It's that simple!
Forget score lines like your “eyes are like moonlight glinting on angel wings” But if you have to use a score line at all, use it).
Given that we're between ninety seconds and four minutes from deciding whether we're interested in someone, it's pretty obvious that a simple witty remark isn't going to decide the case.
Therefore, there is no reason for self-torture. Men sometimes think that score lines are all-important, but in fact they are not.
How do you know if the woman you're dating is ready for sex?
Classic character:
- She looks you in the eye when you kiss
- She moves closer. Touches you a lot.
- Pulls out the goodbye kiss
If she's invited you to dinner and there's light, romantic music and she's wearing something that looks like it's very easy to take off, you can be sure that she's hoping you'll have sex (assuming of course that her mother is not sitting in the living room next door).
Another "girl trick" that signals the green light to move on:
She leans back on the couch and puts her legs in your lap. If you start caressing her calves, continue up to her thighs, and if she doesn't pull her legs in, chances are good. If you kiss her at this point and she kisses back passionately, it's okay to start kissing her shoulders and move on to her breasts. If you've had both hands under her blouse and bra and she doesn't pull the clothes down when you surface for air, it's the equivalent of saying: “Just hang in there“.
Having said that, I would also advise you to check if you have interpreted her body language correctly by asking her.
What is best? Telling her what you want or just using body language?
Body language says a lot, but to make sure you've interpreted the signs correctly, you simply say:
“How lovely you are, may I continue?”
Don't be surprised if she replies:
"I don't really know", and then gives you another tongue-down-your-throat kiss, which gives you the impression that she would also like to be kissed elsewhere. This is exactly how a "pretty girl" talks.
What she wants is for you to reassure her that you don't think she's cheap because she wants sex as much as you do.
Yes girls are very confusing 🙂
Go to:
“How beautiful/handsome/sexy you are” and things like “Okay, but I just love to touch you“. Then she will understand that you don't think she's cheap because she wants it just as much as you do.
BUT
She says:
“I don't really know” and sits up, so take her at her word. She means it - and under no circumstances should you go any further. Needless to say, if she says NO, it means NO 🙂
From EUROMANN 2015
We are all good at something - and a little bad at something else. If you want to seduce a woman, it is important that you know which cards you have in your hand and when to play them.
To do that, you need to know your plan – your rationale. From this logically also follows a sense of time for how long you want to spend on your scoring.
The rational
Start by making up your rationales. By that I mean that there is a big difference in how and how long your seduction should last, depending on what intentions you have with the woman you want to score.
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| NOT a way we can recommend. |
Now if sweet Britta from the accounting department both looks delicious, but is also funny and completely special – is she a potential wife? Then you can easily spend several months warming her up. Slow flirting and seduction.
If, on the other hand, she is a super fun and gorgeous girl who you primarily want a quick affair with, then you hardly want to spend several months on the project. And therefore you have to play your cards a little faster, so that you get from eye contact to sheet contact a little faster.
Scorecard
The next thing to consider is how your scorecards look. Which hand you have, how you improve it and – not least – how you use it best.
We all have a handful of talents. Some we are very aware of. We therefore often use them all the time, while others are more latent and perhaps not even things we consider a talent - and that's a shame.
Because in seduction it is important to have as many cards as possible to play. When we have to seduce a woman, it is good to have a sense of when to play one card and when to play the other.
Seduction is a process. You know it when it starts with a bit of a tickle in the stomach, because a look gave a little more response than when you say 'have a good day' down at the baker's. A woman sent you an impulse!
It is my experience that incredibly often it is the woman who starts. That little look or almost invisible smile that shows us that she is interested. We don't always think about it, but it happens very often.
Then you smile or look back - and then there is contact. The flirting has begun, and now it's your job to seduce the woman. You know your rationale. Is she a one time experience? A girlfriend? Or maybe even the potential for something even more?
Now it's about keeping the impulses running. Whether it's a brand new acquaintance at a nightclub, Britta from work, Suzzie from elementary school, who you've had a secret crush on since you went out.
The seduction must develop. You must make it dynamic and targeted. And for all intents and purposes do not shoot from the side, because there is no room for wet shots here!
But how do you know what works for you?
In seduction, it is the alpha and omega that you are yourself. You can't learn a bunch of score cues or techniques that basically don't suit your personality at all. The Woman see through that right away.
Then check your own scorecards. You can think of a point scale from 1-10, where 1 is your absolute weakest points and 10 is where you are completely confident!
Investigate
You can train your curiosity on friends and at your workplace - yes, in fact in all areas of life - by forcing yourself to do the little journalistic trick of always asking "why" questions: how, why, when, for how long.
It gives a better flow in answers and dialogue, and you will get to know far more than if you just nod and say: "Okay, so you're divorced?" To which she can answer: "Yes." And then that conversation and flirting has come to a standstill. If you ask: “When did you get divorced? Why? What happened?" then she has to tell you a lot more and you use your investigative card.
Action/Action
How good are you at taking initiative? Asking for a dance? Arrange your next meeting?
The handling card is important to use when you want to continue the flirtation. If the conversation stalls a bit, you can continue the seduction. If you can't act, everything comes to a standstill. Then another man buys her a drink. Or sweet Britta invites him next to you in the office. Or the woman will simply get a little bored.
On the other hand: If you are a 10 here, you risk scaring her because everything goes too fast.
Ingenuity
How good are you at spontaneously taking advantage of the situations that arise in flirting – and using them to your own advantage?
If you're bad at being inventive, you might be the type to immediately give up if another man comes along and tries on the woman you're focused on. Yes, it goes without saying that you don't score! At least not her. Or if your date has fallen ill an hour before you are supposed to meet, and you then think: Yes, of course – she didn't care anyway.
If you are too inventive – i.e. a score of 10 – you may come across as if you don't have a plan yourself and are always just running on what happens by chance. It can be dangerous because Woman like a man to know what he wants.
You can train your ingenuity by doing things that surprise yourself in your everyday life. Force yourself into situations or conversations you are not completely in control of and practice steering them in a certain direction.
Here former President Ronald Reagan is seen in conversation with Marilyn Monroe.
Faith/Morality/View of Life
It is a very important flirting impulse that there is reciprocity with her you want to seduce/score. Can you show solidarity with each other? Is there sympathy for the other's attitudes and outlook on life? You absolutely do not have to agree or look alike like two twins, but you must have a curiosity and interest in what the other stands for.
Therefore, it is important that you are good at expressing your outlook on life, especially if the rationale you are scoring for is a long-term relationship. Because when she (or yourself) first discovers that
If you don't match or understand each other's outlook on life at all, then it ends immediately.
If you misunderstand a view of life, it will certainly backfire. If the woman you seduced is a vegetarian and you imagine that you are too, then you will have a big problem explaining if you are to have a long-lasting relationship.
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| It works every time |
Play and humour
How good are you at being present in the moment? Being impulsive and humorous? Make the seduction/flirting above all fun? There must be humor in a flirt!
You must be able to play with the woman. She should laugh, you should laugh. You have to make it easy for her to be part of the whole seduction – whether we are talking about hours or several months.
The hallmark of play is that we forget where we are in time and place. Like the children who are fascinated by the Lego bricks that are suddenly a real castle where real and dangerous robots attack. We adults play well enough with genitals instead of Lego blocks, but the play is otherwise pretty similar. We are having fun. We make it up. We laugh, are excited, challenge, explore.
If you are out of humor and bad at playing, you can quickly come across as too serious. It also seems asexual. So practice. When do you go crazy? Is it for football with the boys? Is it when you play computer games online? Is it when you are hunting? We all play together on one level or another. If you are not good at seduction, try to transfer the mood and what you feel and do when you play to other contexts.
The play card is incredibly important because the Woman very often read from it how you want to be in bed. If you are decidedly bad at playing, she will translate that into the fact that you are asexual and boring and uninventive in bed. If you are good at playing, it will make you seem exploratory and challenging - an interesting sex partner.
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| Totally Irresistible |
Time
Every flirtation and seduction has a time limit. It is of course very much about your rationale in relation to the seduction you are in the middle of.
If you don't time your flirt right, you can drop everything on the floor. If you drive too long on the outlook map, you can seem moralizing; too long on the playing card, then you are too silly. Too long on the trading card, then she can skip because it goes too fast. Etc. It is important to have a timetable so that you can calculate and time when she is ready for the kiss – and from there of course to the double bed,
There is no manual for timing when flirting. So it's about having good situational awareness. A "gut feeling" for when you should change tactics with this particular woman. And you also have to remember that there are Woman you simply cannot score.
If your timing is bad, you can train your situational awareness in seduction by being very aware of your rationale, your time horizon and your strengths and weaknesses. Then you can e.g. test yourself in the city one evening when you decide to seduce a certain woman and then calculate approx. 1 hour for the first part.
After an hour you try to sense how things are going and what you might be doing wrong, which cards you have played too much, which ones too little and which ones not at all. If you haven't seduced her after the first time interval, then you're simply consciously switching your cards and trying something you haven't done so much yet. See if it works better on her.
Surprise her by constantly doing something else.
If you are a 10 for timing, you have to be careful that you don't seem too calculating. Then you have to pull forward a little in the play, ingenuity or love card, so that it doesn't seem too obvious that you are following a specific plan.
Love
In any flirting there must be an incentive of sex - and in the end, sex is about love. It is the most basic way to get love. We all want to love and we also want to be loved. With the flirt's love card, we express how loving and welcoming beings we are.
The love card is body language, eye contact – mutual chemistry. You show her physically that there is a reason why you are trying to score her. You let your hand slide down her back. You squeeze her a little extra time when you have to enter the seat next to her. But it is also important that you show that you are loving towards others who are present – regardless of whether you are out for a walk in the city or scoring at your workplace.
The fact that you are loving shows that you have excess. You have confidence. That is a plus for the Woman.
After all, confidence is not about scaring all other men away. It is to embrace them. Show magnanimity.
One example I heard about was how a man in a bar tried to seduce one of two girlfriends. It went really well. Then the other friend came and sat down, to which he said: "So we just sit and talk!" Rational and sensible enough. But rude and unloving. Both girlfriends left him immediately - and then that score was over. Instead of him giving the new friend a compliment and a drink, she would have certainly gone out of her way to give her friend peace with the exciting and loving man.
Visions/hopes
What is your goal? Not just with this score and the rationale you've decided on. But with yourself and your life. Which of your dreams have turned into concrete missions? Where are you going in life?
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| Always a sure winner |
man without goals is a man in crisis. So unless you have to score a social worker or a psychologist, it's not something that turns Woman on in general. And then you lose!
The very exercise I would recommend if you want to get better at seduction is that you:
Make up your rationale. What are you looking for in the woman you want to score?
Make an internal schedule of how long you want to spend on your scoring
Checking out your personal cards. What are you really good at (where are you a 10), what are you really bad at (where should you improve) and where are you average (shortly, you might not spend enough – or too much)?< br />
Then you sit back and close your eyes as you try to visualize how this score will be absolutely perfect. Fantasize about the perfect course. What she does, and not least what you do yourself. What does the dream match look like where you end up getting the decisive goal?
And then it's just about doing it!
And yes, it sounds complicated and there are an awful lot of things to deal with. But just think about the time when you were a teenager and you wanted to cycle 3 km after a bus where the most beautiful girl on earth was sitting, just to get her name and number at her stop! This is the energy you need to have when seducing a woman. Whether it's the woman in your life or the delicious herring in the bar for a one-night stand!
If you want a relationship without sex, check it in your profile - - there are others who want the same thing without sex.
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